Thoughts …

One of my goals in life has always been to Inspire people. To Motive people. To d2154830196dcd73066a94431e0520f3_thought-bubble-png-hd-thoughts-clipart-hd_4001-3604.pngEncourage people. To Captivate people with my words and my stories. To remind people that they are important. They are valued. They are able to do anything that they put their minds to. Remind people that they can overcome any and every obstacle that may come their way.

My goal, One of my main goals, has always been to have my presence felt and always remembered in a good way.

I have always said, when I leave this earth, I want people to remember me for the things that I have done without a doubt, but more so for the things that I say. I can only hope that when one meets me and engages with me, that they are elated and take something from me. That my words are felt and not taken lightly.

God puts us all here for something, and I believe that he truly put me here to bring joy and to be the light that shines bright in peoples lives the same way people have done for me.

I say all this to say … You may be going through something, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may be feeling low, but that feeling doesn’t last always. You may not have everything that you want right now, but you are living and have what you need.

Continue to press forward and let nothing or no one stop you in your journey. We all are here for a purpose. We are all here for a reason. Let your light shine, and you will go far. Sometimes, that may mean standing alone, but that’s ok. Because later … you will be able to look back and say, I DID that. I made it.

 

4 Letter Word

I’d be lying if I said that the feelings I am having are not growing more and more each day because they are. I have finally come to realization that I have been in denial for a while about this feeling. I have been going back and forth about stating the truth aloud than keeping it in my head any longer.

Question is … How do you say it without the other half running away ? How do you say it without the fear of no response ? How do you say it without everything you’ve built shattering to the ground because of that 4 letter word ?

Love. It’s tricky.

I promised myself that after the last heartbreak I would never say those words again. I promised myself that I would never fall for anyone. I said this because… when I love I love hard and once it’s said there is no going back.

How do I deal with this ? Do I say it? Do I wait ? Do I hold in my true feelings until time allows ? I don’t know.

What is the REAL meaning of LOVE ? Loving someone and being “IN LOVE” with someone … because people do tend to get it confused.

Is there a time limit to when you say it to someone ? 6 months, 1 year, 2 years ? … What are the rules of Love ? I want to know.

I want to know if it’s the same as it use to be.

I have to keep in mind that once it’s said … there is no going back. None. You either get the response you want, or yo don’t.

Love … Where do I go from here ? Only time will tell….

 

-A

The Past Is The Past

I will never have respect for a female or a male who have hurt someone and then try to come back in their lives. I just can’t. I understand the whole thing of forgiving,(cool) but … I don’t think I would ever see myself going backwards with someone who took me for granted and them some.

For some odd reason, once things go South in ones life, they tend to want to maneuver their way back in. HELLO, remember the time when you didn’t want me? The time when you did me wrong ? The time you kept bringing up the past ? … Ehhh… Nahh. I’ll pass.

I say this because I look at people’s situation and can’t even fathom doing that.

A few years ago, I was in lust of someone… He was fun for a while… and then, he began to treat me like shit …. Fast Forward to now, he sees I am happy, I have lost some weight, he wants me back. I laugh. I simply laugh and keep it moving.

I have found peace. I have found happiness. I don’t believe in moving backwards. I believe that when time is up, it’s up and lets move forward.

 

-A

Insecurities

To say that I don’t have insecurities, I’d be lying. Who doesn’t? I believe that even the most famous people in the world may feel this way or have felt this way before about one thing or another.

Have you ever had that one thing that triggered your insecurity and made you feel lower than usual ?

Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am a beautiful woman, I know that I am blessed beyond measure when it comes to certain things, but …. I tend to find myself digging up those insecurities that I thought I got rid of long ago.

I never like to say it aloud, I never want to admit it, because when you say you’re “insecure” one may take you as weak, and that is one thing that I believe I am not. I am secure in many areas as well as strong in many ways….

But … today, I have come to realization that this is something that comes and goes with me. One minute I feel on top of the world and the next, I find something wrong, and I HATE that!

I have my moments to where I just want to cry because I want to bury these things and have them never arise again.

Is this something that comes along with being a woman ? or being a human being in general ? Is this something that everyone deals with at some point in their lives ? I just want to know. I just want to know that I am not alone with feeling this way.

On the outside, it’s funny because I stand strong, tall and confident to many, but on the inside, I feel beautiful as a butterfly but weak as one that will eventually succumb.

Being insecure is something that I am not proud of by far. It’s something that I don’t want to admit to, but I am admitting it. As a woman, it’s something that I want to overcome. I will be 25 soon, and I want this to be something that I can leave behind me. I want to stand tall, confident and proud. I want to know and understand that it’s ok to feel this way because everyone is insecure about something but it’s also ok to know that I am fine. I am more than I give myself credit for. It’s ok. I will be ok. Everything will be ok.

-A

Aside

25 : The Age Of Self Happiness

In one week I will be 25 years old. DUN…DUN..DUN…

As I sit back and reflect on my life and all that I have done, I must say I have come a long, long, long way and it feels good.

When I turned 21, I thought that was the highlight of my my life … BUT  boyyyyyy …. that was only the beginning !

Most people say 25 means you are getting old and that is the time and age where you need to begin to settle down, (which may be true for some) .. BUT … none-the-less I feel 25 is the age where I will learn about the REAL ME.

I believe 25 is the age where I will begin to take a step in doing more for myself and letting everything fall into place rather than stew.

For years I have spent the majority of my life worrying about others and their happiness… don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind doing that at all …. but… I want 25 to be “The Age Of True Happiness, The Year For Me”

I want to live young, wild and free. I would like to be able to travel with no worries, get up and move if I want, party with no regrets, have late nights and early mornings, while still being able to focus on myself and handle my responsibilities at the same time. Just call me … WONDER WOMAN ! … because I plan to do it all !

I have gone around and asked many people their view of what it means to be 25 and how has 25 made or broken them.

Surprisingly, most have said the same thing ” Enjoy it ” this is the time to really embrace life and do what YOU want to do. You’re half way to 50.

I am taking that in! … As much as it sounds great to be tied down and have a family, when the time comes for it, it will happen. Enjoying life to the fullest is what I should be doing.

I plan on clasping my 20s with positive vibes and self-love.

25 will be the year of recognizing me. 25 will be the age that I will accept myself for what I am and embrace who I am. 25 will be the age of true happiness. Dammit… 25 will be the year of AWESOME and great things to follow !

CHEERS :: TO 25 !!!

-A

Everyone except for me.

From the outside looking in, you can only assume what one is going through unless they tell you. Often, I sit and ponder , sometimes I even find myself questioning God. I know that I shouldn’t do this, but I do. I somewhat wonder why do people have things I don’t , why is it taking so long for me to to get to where I want to be ? Day in and day out I work hard to get somewhere but yet, I find myself not having as much as the next person. I know that I shouldn’t even put this upon myself to question, but I do. I know a lot of people do. 

You look on T.V and see all of these reality shows and people making names for themselves, getting “famous” over night for making a fool of themselves on T.V. I, have a college degree and work a 9-5, actually want to make a name for myself in a good way BUT YET, I do not have that. 

What do you do when you see all of these people with the things you feel they do not deserve ? I guess in reality, you can’t do anything. Be thankful for what you do have and be patient and know that your time is coming. 

I want so much for myself, I want it all. When will my time come ? 

Privacy Vs. Wild’n Out. What IF ?? …

I don’t even know how to express what I’m thinking right now … but …let me try. Here.We.Go.

I have always been one who has kept the majority of my life private. My feelings private, my likes and dislikes private, my sex life private, my relationships of who I am or am not dating private, My thoughts good or bad private, my Life … PRIVATE .

I have always been that girl who has been “innocent” to a certain extent, while at the same time, I have been through the period of “good girl gone bad” for just a second.

I say this because I have reflected … Where has this gotten me ? … Sure, many people admire how I have turned out and a lot of good has come out of my life keeping things this way, BUT … once again…the question is, where has this REALLY gotten me ?…

A few ” Awe, you’re so sweet”, A few ” I wish I could be like you”, ” A couple “Have you ever done this ??… No, You should”, A few ” Girl, you should open up more” …. So on and so forth.

As I look at young men and women my age today, including some of my friends and associates, I do not act like them, I don’t have the same mind-set for various things that are said or done, nor have I had some of the same experiences that most have. Sure, during College I had my fun, but compared to many, what I have done is at the bottom of the barrel.

I guess I feel some type of way because in my mind I question myself. I question myself a lot. I question the fact that if I were to do a complete 360 and put myself on the other side for just a moment, would I feel better about certain aspects of my life.

This has been something that I have contemplated on for a very long time.

Example : What if I were to put my sexual desires on social media,what if I were to have an actual “Sex count ” of more than the few people I have slept with, what if I were to have “hoes” && date more than one person at a time, what if I didn’t wear my heart on my sleeve and just didn’t care, what if I put every thought that I was thinking about on social media, what if I actually gave guys chances even though I know it will go nowhere, what if I started smoking and drinking profusely just because ? What if I began to lie to get what I wanted …  You catch my drift ? …. What if I do every single last one of these things. I can only imagine how things would be different. What if, I just stopped giving a fuck? ya know… YOLO ?? … Right.

When I ruminate these are the questions I often ask myself.

I mean … don’t get me wrong, I love who I am and who I have become but none-the-less maybe it’s all becoming too routine.

Should I blame myself for turning out this way, should I blame myself for feeling the way that I feel, should I do something about this and/or continue to be the person that I have been all of my life….

There are so many things that I wonder, but these thoughts are just a few. It’s quite funny because with all of that being said, in reality I will most likely never change anything about me to be this way. I feel like I am this way for a reason and me being who I am is what attracts my circle to me.

Then again… Hell who knows, Life is all about taking chances, risks, trying new things, living it up in your 20s… Might just change on that ass…… but until then …. I can always continue to wonder though right ????? ………..