Acceptance

Instead of constantly seeking acceptance from others, give acceptance to yourself. Accept who you are wholly without reservation. Accept your own brilliant and unique value graciously and gratefully knaccept_owing that you are one of a kind. Accept and embrace that. You are inherently worthy, whether anyone explicitly tells you that or not. Give acceptance to yourself, and you will have no need to seek it from others. Accept the goodness that you know is in your authentic nature without hesitation and you will never have to validate yourself for anyone other than you. Accept who you are and revel in it. “The privilege of a lifetime is being and accepting who you are” – Viola Davis

Stop Comparing, Start Living

Most of us understand the foolishness of trying to compare ourselves to others. We would readily admit that no good ever comes from it. Yet, whether we are comparing our home size, paycheck, physical features, or any number of measurable (and even unmeasured) things, we do it all the time.

 

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Even though we know there are inherent problems contained in the process:

  1. We most often compare the wrong things. Because we can most easily compare the things that we can objectively measure, we live in a world that is great at measuring and comparing externals. Somewhere along the way, we decided that we could determine who is living a more valuable life by comparing clothes, cars, homes, paychecks, beauty, or Twitter followers. But externals are rarely a good measure. Net-worth has never been a good indicator of self-worth.
  2. We always compare our worst with their best. Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition because there will always be people who “appear” to be better off than you and seemingly live the perfect life. After all, we always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions that we make about others. Be advised, their life is never as perfect as your mind makes it out to be.
  3. There is no end to the comparison game. There is an infinite number of categories upon which you can compare yourself… and an almost infinite number of people to compare yourself to. Once you start down that road, you will never, ever find an end.
  4. Life isn’t graded on a curve. How you measure up against others holds absolutely no importance in your life anyway. It simply makes no difference. The goal of life is not to be better than 50% of the other people on the planet. The goal of life is to be the best you that you can possibly be.
  5. Comparison puts your focus on the wrong person. You can control one life – yours. When we consistently compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
  6. Comparison robs you of joy. Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you aren’t, rather than allow you to enjoy who you are. It will always steal the joy and happiness that is within your reach… and place it just outside of your reach instead.

Many a contented life has surely been stolen by the unhealthy habit of comparing ourselves to others. Comparing ourselves to others will always rob us of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment.

But even more than than, it prevents us from fully living our lives. It calls us to envy someone else’s life and seek theirs rather than ours. It is robbing us of our most precious possession: life itself. And while the temptation to compare may never be completely eliminated, there are certainly some practical steps that we can take to move past it. Consider a few of these:

1. Recognize the inherent problems in comparing yourself to another.Take a good look at the list above. Why would we want any habit in our life that promotes feelings of inferiority? Or consistently promotes envy, competition, and strife with no end in sight? Sometimes, just a reminder of the foolishness contained in the habit is the most important step in overcoming it.

2. Celebrate who you are. There are many wonderful things about your life. You are an artist… or a businessman… or a mother… or a good listener… or a generous soul. You have much to celebrate and are entirely unique. Any comparison between you and another person is like comparing apples to oranges. They aren’t living your life, you are. Therefore, you should expect the results to be completely different.

3. Focus inward. Value generosity, humility, goodness, kindness, and love. Begin to focus on developing the inward qualities of a simplified life and the externals will lose their beauty. And the quicker we find beauty on the inside, the sooner we’ll stop comparing things on the outside (skin-deep beauty, paychecks, or power).

4. Realize life is not a competition. There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out.

5. Remember that nobody is perfect. We live in a society that glamorizes perfection. Consider that magazine racks are full of models and celebrities with perfect faces telling one-sided stories of great triumph and fulfillment. One important step to avoiding the lure of comparison is to remember that one snapshot in time never tells the whole story. The story is never told of the hours in a make-up room or the photo editing technique to cover the blemishes. The story is rarely told of their insecurities or failures (except to mention how they overcame them). That story doesn’t sell nearly as many magazines. But the truth remains: there are no perfect people – including you and including me.

6. Live as intentional as possible. Too many people live their lives without intentionality or thought. They rarely find a quiet moment to sit in meditation or solitude and examine their life – who they are and who they are becoming. As a result, lives are lived as a reaction to the events around them. But when a life is lived intentionally and thoughtfully, the comparison game becomes less attractive.

As humans, it is in our nature to compare ourselves to others. But nothing good ever comes from it. So let’s stop comparing ourselves to others. We were not born to live their life. There is no sense wasting our life (or energy) being jealous of theirs. Instead, let’s start living our lives. Let’s determine today to be good at it. After all, we only get one shot.

Let Go

Let go of that nagging feeling that something could go wrong. Whatever may happen, you can always choose to move forward. Let go of your resentment and anger over things that are beyond your control. Do the very best with where you are, with what you have, and make that more than enough. Let go of the pain you carry from things that have happened that were not necessarily what you wanted to occur, and allow yourself to experience the freedom of forgiveness. (When you don’t forgive and let go, you are only hurting yourself) Let go of regrets, the disappointments and distress. Choose to follow the very best of the possibilities that beckon you forward. Let go of all the excuses you have for not fully living. Give beauty and meaning to the life and world that you’re in right now. Find real fulfillment not in getting, but in being, in living. In letting go and forgiving.

Promise Yourself

Promise yourself that you will make the most of priceless moments. Promise yourself that you will direct your attention and your efforts towards things that have real meaning and purpose to you. Promise yourself that you will be yourself, in a loving, authentic, and effective way in all that you do.promise-yourself-860x478 Promise yourself that you won’t waste your valuable time on useless anger, resentment, envy or worry. Remind yourself what an extraordinary opportunity you have in life even on the most ordinary days. Give yourself good and compelling reasons to get up each day and get going in a positive and productive manner. Give yourself great, wonderful, special dreams that are absolutely worth living. Allow yourself to see the beauty in every situation. Tell yourself again, and again how fortunate you are to be able to zero in on the positive possibilities and use them to make a real difference in life. Promise yourself to continue to fill yourself with joy and enthusiasm as you greet life each morning. Promise yourself to make each day meaningful in your own specific way.And lastly, Promise yourself to live, laugh and love life because tomorrow is not promised. Go on that trip. Tell that person you love them. Remind yourself that … (“If you wanna fly, You got to give up the sh** that weighs you down” – Toni Morrison)

Challenge or Defeat

When you’re willing to accept challenge you won’t have to accept defeat. Instead of throwing your hands up when things go wrong, look at the situation from a different perspective. See it as a challenge to overcome. Winners and losers are distinguished not by the circumstances they face, but by the way they face them. Challenges are painful, inconvenient, and uncomfortable at times but they also make you stronger as a result. Rather than accept defeat, see the challenge. Pass that challenge. It’s easy to be a victim, but mind you, that won’t get you anywhere. Be a victor instead. Accept and transcend each challenge that comes your way. Cicely Tyson once said (“Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew.”) challenge.jpg

Finding your true self

Sometimes getting a little lost is the best way to find your true self. You can discover new paths you would have otherwise missed if you stayed in one direction, stumble onto new ideas you would have never imagined, reignite a spark you once lost and even recognize what you love and what you hate. During this time you can learn to understand what you’re truly capable of as well as face your deepest fears and insecurities. Sure, getting lost can make you feel angry, scared, uncomfortable and confused, but it can also be an eye-opening experience if you let it be. Realize that because you chose to carry on as the unrelenting hero and not the victim, you have already won.

Self-Worth : The definitive guide to valuing yourself

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.

Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to “compare yourself to others” whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or “how well you are doing”. In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else’s bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else’s looks.

The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multi-millionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.

The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fueled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that – appearances – or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically “real”. It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all – your mind- and are hence subject to change through your mind’s activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the, Law of Attraction you create more of the same.

Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereo-typical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: “To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Make Outer Appearances a Choice, Not Your Yardstick: Your new definition of success does not mean that you throw out the old one. It simply means that those outer appearances by which society defines success, no longer define you. They no longer add to or subtract from your self worth in any way. Your worth is independent of them. Of course you are still free to pursue a rewarding career, to make as much money as you want, to make yourself look your best, and to acquire all those material things you may want. The difference lies in why you are doing so. And the answer is because you choose to, not because you have to in order to feel better about yourself compared to others. Paradoxically, you will find that when those outer appearances that you once so desperately pursued no longer define you, that they will flow freely towards you.

Others as a Source of Inspiration: Interestingly, you will find that even if someone else displays more of a specific virtue that you admire than you do, that it brings out a sense of greater love and admiration for that person, rather than a sense of jealousy and insecurity. While comparing yourself in any way is unnecessary, you can look to those people who display the qualities you admire most, as a source of inspiration to become a more successful person yourself based on your definition of success.

There is No Competition in Real Self worth: There is seldom a prize or career promotion for the kindest person in the office or for the person with the greatest integrity. You will find that people do not compete to see who is the kindest, or who is the most loving, or who is the most self-assured. This is because man’s loftiest virtues belong to his higher self. Your higher self is above the opposites of the physical world and those outer appearances that society stereo-typically uses to define success. Your higher self is above the need to compare, not because it cannot compare but because it knows that doing so is futile. Man’s highest virtues are fundamental to the human spirit and can not be bought or sold for all the money in the world.

Remember that REAL self worth is PRICELESS.

– A