Acceptance

Instead of constantly seeking acceptance from others, give acceptance to yourself. Accept who you are wholly without reservation. Accept your own brilliant and unique value graciously and gratefully knaccept_owing that you are one of a kind. Accept and embrace that. You are inherently worthy, whether anyone explicitly tells you that or not. Give acceptance to yourself, and you will have no need to seek it from others. Accept the goodness that you know is in your authentic nature without hesitation and you will never have to validate yourself for anyone other than you. Accept who you are and revel in it. “The privilege of a lifetime is being and accepting who you are” – Viola Davis

Stop Comparing, Start Living

Most of us understand the foolishness of trying to compare ourselves to others. We would readily admit that no good ever comes from it. Yet, whether we are comparing our home size, paycheck, physical features, or any number of measurable (and even unmeasured) things, we do it all the time.

 

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Even though we know there are inherent problems contained in the process:

  1. We most often compare the wrong things. Because we can most easily compare the things that we can objectively measure, we live in a world that is great at measuring and comparing externals. Somewhere along the way, we decided that we could determine who is living a more valuable life by comparing clothes, cars, homes, paychecks, beauty, or Twitter followers. But externals are rarely a good measure. Net-worth has never been a good indicator of self-worth.
  2. We always compare our worst with their best. Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition because there will always be people who “appear” to be better off than you and seemingly live the perfect life. After all, we always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions that we make about others. Be advised, their life is never as perfect as your mind makes it out to be.
  3. There is no end to the comparison game. There is an infinite number of categories upon which you can compare yourself… and an almost infinite number of people to compare yourself to. Once you start down that road, you will never, ever find an end.
  4. Life isn’t graded on a curve. How you measure up against others holds absolutely no importance in your life anyway. It simply makes no difference. The goal of life is not to be better than 50% of the other people on the planet. The goal of life is to be the best you that you can possibly be.
  5. Comparison puts your focus on the wrong person. You can control one life – yours. When we consistently compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
  6. Comparison robs you of joy. Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you aren’t, rather than allow you to enjoy who you are. It will always steal the joy and happiness that is within your reach… and place it just outside of your reach instead.

Many a contented life has surely been stolen by the unhealthy habit of comparing ourselves to others. Comparing ourselves to others will always rob us of gratitude, joy, and fulfillment.

But even more than than, it prevents us from fully living our lives. It calls us to envy someone else’s life and seek theirs rather than ours. It is robbing us of our most precious possession: life itself. And while the temptation to compare may never be completely eliminated, there are certainly some practical steps that we can take to move past it. Consider a few of these:

1. Recognize the inherent problems in comparing yourself to another.Take a good look at the list above. Why would we want any habit in our life that promotes feelings of inferiority? Or consistently promotes envy, competition, and strife with no end in sight? Sometimes, just a reminder of the foolishness contained in the habit is the most important step in overcoming it.

2. Celebrate who you are. There are many wonderful things about your life. You are an artist… or a businessman… or a mother… or a good listener… or a generous soul. You have much to celebrate and are entirely unique. Any comparison between you and another person is like comparing apples to oranges. They aren’t living your life, you are. Therefore, you should expect the results to be completely different.

3. Focus inward. Value generosity, humility, goodness, kindness, and love. Begin to focus on developing the inward qualities of a simplified life and the externals will lose their beauty. And the quicker we find beauty on the inside, the sooner we’ll stop comparing things on the outside (skin-deep beauty, paychecks, or power).

4. Realize life is not a competition. There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out.

5. Remember that nobody is perfect. We live in a society that glamorizes perfection. Consider that magazine racks are full of models and celebrities with perfect faces telling one-sided stories of great triumph and fulfillment. One important step to avoiding the lure of comparison is to remember that one snapshot in time never tells the whole story. The story is never told of the hours in a make-up room or the photo editing technique to cover the blemishes. The story is rarely told of their insecurities or failures (except to mention how they overcame them). That story doesn’t sell nearly as many magazines. But the truth remains: there are no perfect people – including you and including me.

6. Live as intentional as possible. Too many people live their lives without intentionality or thought. They rarely find a quiet moment to sit in meditation or solitude and examine their life – who they are and who they are becoming. As a result, lives are lived as a reaction to the events around them. But when a life is lived intentionally and thoughtfully, the comparison game becomes less attractive.

As humans, it is in our nature to compare ourselves to others. But nothing good ever comes from it. So let’s stop comparing ourselves to others. We were not born to live their life. There is no sense wasting our life (or energy) being jealous of theirs. Instead, let’s start living our lives. Let’s determine today to be good at it. After all, we only get one shot.

I found my smile

As I have gotten older, I have realized how crucial it is to take time out of your busy schedule to reflect, to meditate and to even pray. Often, too many of times, when we have time to think, it’s generally about the negative things that have gone on in our lives – and rarely do we think about the good things. Personally, I can admit that has been me one too many times.

As I have reflected this morning, the thought that came across my mind was the moment I found my smile again. The moment I found my happiness.

This time last year, while I was smiling on the outside, the inside of me was so sad for many reasons. Me being me, I never let people see that part of me. It took something in my life to happen, to click, for me to realize I did not want to be this way and/or feel this way anymore. It took me breaking down so many times to remember that trials in life happen and moving forward and letting go of the past is needed. Sometimes in life it takes one thing to force you to finally say “I’ve had enough of my own sadness” “I’ve had enough of my own pity party” to lead you to your smile. In that moment, I realized I wanted to be happy. I wanted to genuinely smile and mean it. You can only be happy when you allow yourself to be. You can only smile because you choose to. You cannot allow other people to generate that for you.

imagesThings could be worse than what they really are so there is no need to bring more pain to yourself when it doesn’t have to be that way.

I found my smile again in April of this year. It literally took months for me  to find it again but it happened and it’s genuine. I have accomplished so much more now than I did this time last year because I decided to love me and smile for myself. I decided that “self pity” does not look good on me. I wear my smile bold and proud and with all of the confidence in the world.

Remember, “Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears”.

 

Keep it Moving

Let’s face it. Many of us choose to hang on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, made us feel sad, or depressed us. If we choose to hang on to them, we will never move forward and we could even create physical or medical damage to our bodies. To prevent this from happening we need to let go but no one really tells you how to let go and move forward. Sure it’s easy to say: “Just let go, move forward, forget about it, just let go.” But that really doesn’t work. In my opinion here are a few things I believe can show you how to let go and start moving forward.

Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward.

Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall everyday? Chances are you’re like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you’re holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.

The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you’ve filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn’t allow you to move forward, in short, you’re carrying useless baggage that’s really slowing you down.

Think of it this way: you’re on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don’t serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you’ll never complete your trip.

To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It’s not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with —- and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.

How to Let Go and Move Forward

Researchers believe that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.

Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you’re not even aware of.

Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn’t help me so I’m letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.

The next step is to create an action plan, the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.

The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.

The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: “But where I am right now really sucks, I don’t want to think about it.” It only sucks because you’re looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family, friends and positive people in your life you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you’re ready for new possibilities, then you’ll begin to let go and move forward.

-A

Self-Worth : The definitive guide to valuing yourself

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.

Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to “compare yourself to others” whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or “how well you are doing”. In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else’s bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else’s looks.

The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multi-millionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.

The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fueled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that – appearances – or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically “real”. It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all – your mind- and are hence subject to change through your mind’s activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the, Law of Attraction you create more of the same.

Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereo-typical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: “To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Make Outer Appearances a Choice, Not Your Yardstick: Your new definition of success does not mean that you throw out the old one. It simply means that those outer appearances by which society defines success, no longer define you. They no longer add to or subtract from your self worth in any way. Your worth is independent of them. Of course you are still free to pursue a rewarding career, to make as much money as you want, to make yourself look your best, and to acquire all those material things you may want. The difference lies in why you are doing so. And the answer is because you choose to, not because you have to in order to feel better about yourself compared to others. Paradoxically, you will find that when those outer appearances that you once so desperately pursued no longer define you, that they will flow freely towards you.

Others as a Source of Inspiration: Interestingly, you will find that even if someone else displays more of a specific virtue that you admire than you do, that it brings out a sense of greater love and admiration for that person, rather than a sense of jealousy and insecurity. While comparing yourself in any way is unnecessary, you can look to those people who display the qualities you admire most, as a source of inspiration to become a more successful person yourself based on your definition of success.

There is No Competition in Real Self worth: There is seldom a prize or career promotion for the kindest person in the office or for the person with the greatest integrity. You will find that people do not compete to see who is the kindest, or who is the most loving, or who is the most self-assured. This is because man’s loftiest virtues belong to his higher self. Your higher self is above the opposites of the physical world and those outer appearances that society stereo-typically uses to define success. Your higher self is above the need to compare, not because it cannot compare but because it knows that doing so is futile. Man’s highest virtues are fundamental to the human spirit and can not be bought or sold for all the money in the world.

Remember that REAL self worth is PRICELESS.

– A

The power of positive thinking

Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.

A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.

Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life

With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.

Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.

Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.

Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight. 

  1. Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
  2. Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
  3. Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
  4. Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
  5. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
  6. Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
  7. In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
  8. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.

– A