What a difference 4 years can make. In the midst of the storm … I somehow gained another strength within myself that I never knew I had. 4 years in Houston. WOW. Time flies. Let me just say that the “Grown Woman Au’Vonnie” would not be who she is now without having moved to Houston. Within that time I have fallen but gotten back up many times. Lets see… what have I been through in that time ? Well … went from a great relationship to a not so great one. (But learned to love myself A LOT more during that last little one) 2 car accidents, one which was serious. Took public transportation for a year and a half in the sun, rain, storms. Moved 3 times. Lived with rodents just so I could have somewhere to lay my head. Got my house broken into. Lived off of peanut butter and cup of noodles for months at a time. Made 5 bucks stretch in the bank accounts when deemed necessary. Had some negative bank accounts just so bills could be paid. Denied to my dream school … and then some. However, since then, the come up has gotten much better. I have gone back to school. Written a book. Begun the process of my non-profit and scholarship fund. Traveled to different states and countries. Met new friends. Lost a job but gained a “career” and honestly became a better me. A stronger me. People always tell me that it seems that I have it easy now, but don’t know what is has taken to get here. Lots and lots of tears and setbacks. I still have a long way to go to be exactly where I want to be but I am forever greatful. Greatful that after living in Orlando 5 years ago; me choosing to leave California after that; picking up and leaving everything I was comfortable with and all that I knew to start aknew; All within a span of 9 months. I still laugh at telling my parents “Yeah. I’m moving to Houston, gotta go”. Folks were so mad. That period of time was hard. Best decision I have made to date though. Being stagnant and complacent have never been me. I have always been ok with traveling alone and just up and leaving. The world has so much to offer. Life has so much to offer. I never want to be that person that looks back in years and say “I wish I would have done this or that.” I say all of that to say, seeing the growth of self is dope. Change is dope. Being scared is dope. Living life and learning is dope. I wouldn’t change my experience(s) in my life for anything in the world. It may seem hard during the times when you are going through whatever it is, but the outcome is so much greater.
Let’s face it. Many of us choose to hang on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, made us feel sad, or depressed us. If we choose to hang on to them, we will never move forward and we could even create physical or medical damage to our bodies. To prevent this from happening we need to let go but no one really tells you how to let go and move forward. Sure it’s easy to say: “Just let go, move forward, forget about it, just let go.” But that really doesn’t work. In my opinion here are a few things I believe can show you how to let go and start moving forward.
Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward.
Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall everyday? Chances are you’re like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you’re holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.
The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you’ve filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn’t allow you to move forward, in short, you’re carrying useless baggage that’s really slowing you down.
Think of it this way: you’re on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don’t serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you’ll never complete your trip.
To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It’s not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with —- and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.
How to Let Go and Move Forward
Researchers believe that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.
Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you’re not even aware of.
Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn’t help me so I’m letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.
The next step is to create an action plan, the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.
The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.
The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: “But where I am right now really sucks, I don’t want to think about it.” It only sucks because you’re looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family, friends and positive people in your life you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you’re ready for new possibilities, then you’ll begin to let go and move forward.
Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.
Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to “compare yourself to others” whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.
The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or “how well you are doing”. In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else’s bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else’s looks.
The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multi-millionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.
The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fueled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that – appearances – or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically “real”. It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all – your mind- and are hence subject to change through your mind’s activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the, Law of Attraction you create more of the same.
Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereo-typical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: “To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
Make Outer Appearances a Choice, Not Your Yardstick: Your new definition of success does not mean that you throw out the old one. It simply means that those outer appearances by which society defines success, no longer define you. They no longer add to or subtract from your self worth in any way. Your worth is independent of them. Of course you are still free to pursue a rewarding career, to make as much money as you want, to make yourself look your best, and to acquire all those material things you may want. The difference lies in why you are doing so. And the answer is because you choose to, not because you have to in order to feel better about yourself compared to others. Paradoxically, you will find that when those outer appearances that you once so desperately pursued no longer define you, that they will flow freely towards you.
Others as a Source of Inspiration: Interestingly, you will find that even if someone else displays more of a specific virtue that you admire than you do, that it brings out a sense of greater love and admiration for that person, rather than a sense of jealousy and insecurity. While comparing yourself in any way is unnecessary, you can look to those people who display the qualities you admire most, as a source of inspiration to become a more successful person yourself based on your definition of success.
There is No Competition in Real Self worth: There is seldom a prize or career promotion for the kindest person in the office or for the person with the greatest integrity. You will find that people do not compete to see who is the kindest, or who is the most loving, or who is the most self-assured. This is because man’s loftiest virtues belong to his higher self. Your higher self is above the opposites of the physical world and those outer appearances that society stereo-typically uses to define success. Your higher self is above the need to compare, not because it cannot compare but because it knows that doing so is futile. Man’s highest virtues are fundamental to the human spirit and can not be bought or sold for all the money in the world.
Remember that REAL self worth is PRICELESS.
Positive thinking is a mental and emotional attitude that focuses on the bright side of life and expects positive results.
A positive person anticipates happiness, health and success, and believes he or she can overcome any obstacle and difficulty.Positive thinking is not accepted by everyone. Some, consider it as nonsense, and scoff at people who follow it, but there is a growing number of people, who accept positive thinking as a fact, and believe in its effectiveness.It seems that this subject is gaining popularity, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it.To use it in your life, you need more than just to be aware of its existence. You need to adopt the attitude of positive thinking in everything you do.
Positive Thinking Is a Way of Life
With a positive attitude we experience pleasant and happy feelings. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy, and happiness. Our whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even our health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall, our voice is more powerful, and our body language shows the way we feel.
Positive and negative thinking are contagious.
We affect, and are affected by the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through words, thoughts and feelings, and through body language.
Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.
Negative thoughts, words and attitude, create negative and unhappy feelings, moods and behavior. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.
In order to turn the mind toward the positive, some inner work is required, since attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.
- Read about this subject, think about its benefits, and persuade yourself to try it. The power of your thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping your life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange, give it a try. You have nothing to lose, but only to gain.
- Ignore what other people say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
- Use your imagination to visualize only favorable and beneficial situations.
- Use positive words in your inner dialogues, or when talking with others.
- Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively.
- Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it, and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. If the negative thought returns, replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you have to choose to look at one of them, and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively, and to ignore negative thoughts.
- In case you experience inner resistance and difficulties when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
- It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks. It might take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they will.