Goodbye to the old me. Goodbye 2016.

She was Unsure. Insecure. Not Reassured. The opposite of everything people assumed her to be.

I just want to say that I’m glad you’re gone. I know that might sound harsh, and please don’t take this the wrong way because I am really proud of you. I’m just glad that you seem like a different person to me now. You grew up. You changed. You found yourself again. I hope that you’re proud of who you have become because I finally am.

I’m really glad that I can look in the mirror and smile now. I know that you were never unhappy with yourself, but you weren’t really happy with yourself either. I’m glad that I can see more than the breakouts and split ends when I stand in front of the mirror in the mornings. I’m glad that I can look at myself and see someone smart, funny, caring, and genuine.

You are independent. You are beautiful. You are worthy. I know you never felt that you were — I remember that feeling. People care about you, so don’t worry about where you are now. You will have a few friends that you can talk to for hours, who will stick with you after anything. At the end of the day, you don’t have to worry. Take each day by stride. Live. Laugh. Love. When it’s hard to get up, get up anyway. It’s a new day for you to conquer the world and show what you are made of. When everything around you seems to be falling apart, laugh because that’s the best type of medicine for those who feel broken—you aren’t. When those who try to hurt you do, show them love. Give them the grace that they may not deserve; it may just shock them.

Recently I have learned a lot… I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

I know that in life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. And in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are today. So JUST LIVE. Make mistakes. Have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going.

I am beautifully bruised, scarred, and a much better version of myself. So my friend, I hope you understand I had to let go of a huge part of myself, but that was only to let a better part in. You will be missed, and I will always remember the person I used to be.

But still, good riddance, old me.

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I’ve got a testimony

It’s amazing how God works and how things come in full circle when it’s time. Someone once said to me “Timing is Everything” and ” life’s three best teachers are : Heartbreak, Empty Pockets and Failure.” TRUE.

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This time last year, believe it or not, I was going through one of many hardships. From November of last year to November of this year. It was not all bad, however … it was quite close.

Emotionally, I was drained, Physically, I was out of it, Mentally … tuh … barely there.

People who know me know that when I am happy, I am HAPPY and it shows, but when I am going through something, I am much more quiet and reserved. That was me all year. Here and there you would see a smile, but majority of the time, you barely saw me at all.

I did not know who I was, I lost myself, I let myself go, I questioned myself multiple times and I was at the point to where I did not want to be seen or talk to anyone anymore.

I hated my “job” and got too comfortable, too stagnant and complacent. I was upset because I didn’t have the “Career” I wanted and quite frankly, I stopped working to reach it because I was just so tired. A relationship that was near to my heart ended and that happened at the worst possible time. I lived in a place that I was not comfortable in and had so much negative energy I could barely think straight. I started to act out, be out of character and did things that I regret because I was in a space where I felt I could not reach out to anybody because I was ashamed.

How could this woman who preached and teached to others about positivity, being happy and letting things go, letting go and letting God, speaking on letting time take it’s course quoting every cliche and bible verse you could think of  do this ? … Why is it when it came to myself, all of that was out of the window ?

It took a lot of self – evaluation, a lot of reconnecting to God, a lot of crying, a lot of realizing you can’t allow yourself to fall, a lot of letting go of blaming others, a lot of self- forgiveness, a lot of meditating and praying, a lot of conversations with myself saying “you got this. it’s not the end” a lot of, “you’re more than this, you’ll be ok” a lot of, “ok, no more moping, get up” … and then some.

I say all that to say, one year later … I have a new Career, I have a new home,  I have a book on the rise, I have new relationships, I have new found Confidence and I have Peace with where I am. Never allow yourself to stay down for long. Allow yourself the time you need to heal and get back up and keep going. It may feel like you can no longer go on, but you can.

Things may not be in the exact order in life that you want them, things may happen unexpectedly, but … You are more than your fears. You are more than a Conqueror. Keep fighting and keep believing that no matter how many times you may fall you can get back up and know that greater is coming.

I am a fighter. I am a survivor and I will keep on going until I take my last breath.

So, cheers to closing my eyes to old ends and continuing to open my heart to new beginnings.

Miss. Moving On

Life is all about progress, growth and change. Who wants to be stagnant and complacent ?? Not Me.

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This year has been a true roller coaster for me and I am finally at the point of my life where I have my peace. I have moved on from life’s disappointments, failures, heartbreaks and ultimately found myself.

Moving on from these things have not been easy, yet it has been something that has been a long time coming. It has taken Days, Weeks and Months of tears, of sadness, of reconnecting with God.

I have learned that in life, things may not always go the way we want them to, the road may not be exactly the way we imagined it, but in due time, you are where you need to be. You learn, your grow, you take these things as life lessons and make way for growth and prosperity.

That’s where I am. I no longer have to lie about being happy when in reality, I really am. I don’t have everything I want, but I have what I need right now, and that includes my peace. It’s been a long time coming, but it’s great to have.

Keep your head held high

There’s no reason to be dismayed by what others think, say or do. If they want to be negative, let them. That’s their problem not yours. No person knows what’s best for you more than you do. No person knows what you are capable of accomplishing more than you do. Certainly, other people who are most important to you and value you can and will encourage you and be of great help to you. No matter the circumstances they will stick around. See the good in that and the positive in those around you. Connect with that. Pay no mind to those who may want to drag you down with criticism. There is no need whatsoever to let someone’s opinion stop you from what you have your mind and heart set on because, well, it’s just that an opinion. You are who you are regardless of what others think, say and/or do. Focus your energy, your awareness and your efforts on all of those positive possibilities that life has to offer. You are here, You are capable, and with your head held high, just know that the best is still yet to come.large

The Art Of Letting Go. The Art Of Pressing Forward. The Art Of Moving On.

The Art of Letting Go is a very simple but powerful process that enables you to let go of negative emotions that are holding you back from health, happiness and the accomplishment of your goals. It works on a very simple principle: I am responsible for my emotions and that I choose the thoughts that sustain my emotions.

For the most part, most of us relate to our emotional state as something we have no choice about. Events happen in our lives and it seems to us that it is the events themselves that cause us to feel what we feel. If someone has done something to offend me and I am hurt I say in effect, “You hurt me” or “You made me angry.” And unless the person “changes his ways” or perhaps apologizes then I am stuck with the negative emotion. Human beings have learned a variety of different approaches all motivated by a need to somehow deal with painful or undesirable emotions but mostly to no avail. One approach that we all know well is to suppress and repress our feelings. We believe on some level, “if I can just bury my feelings then all will be well.” But It never works. Repressing our emotions does not make them go away and these emotions continue to have an effect on our lives. They may transform themselves into physical illness and at best leave us with a low-grade unhappiness that colors every aspect of our existence.

There are hundreds of other ways that we go about trying to deal with our emotions. We see certain self destructive or self-defeating behavior in ourselves and others but mostly we are unaware of what motivates these behaviors.  In most self-destructive behaviors, the motivation is typically to help us deal with certain unpleasant or painful feelings. As destructive or negative as certain behaviors are, we can always find a positive function for that behavior and that function is to help us cope with or eliminate unwanted emotions. But sooner or later we discover that certain strategies stop working.

The Art of Letting Go enables you to “step outside” of your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and images and see them for what they are — thoughts and feelings! Thoughts and feelings are both aspects of one experience. Any experience has these components to it. There are thoughts and there are feelings or simply “thought/feelings” (coined, “thoughlings”). One doesn’t precede the other. They are simultaneous events. Many therapies help you to change your thoughts and beliefs but you may still be living your life inside that realm. Instead of trying to change your thoughts and emotions it is possible to simply let them go. You don’t need to analyze them, you don’t need to figure them out, you don’t need to do anything with them except let them go and that takes no time at all. When you can truly let go of that which brings you unhappiness, then and only then can you replace these emotions with something positive.