Goodbye to the old me. Goodbye 2016.

She was Unsure. Insecure. Not Reassured. The opposite of everything people assumed her to be.

I just want to say that I’m glad you’re gone. I know that might sound harsh, and please don’t take this the wrong way because I am really proud of you. I’m just glad that you seem like a different person to me now. You grew up. You changed. You found yourself again. I hope that you’re proud of who you have become because I finally am.

I’m really glad that I can look in the mirror and smile now. I know that you were never unhappy with yourself, but you weren’t really happy with yourself either. I’m glad that I can see more than the breakouts and split ends when I stand in front of the mirror in the mornings. I’m glad that I can look at myself and see someone smart, funny, caring, and genuine.

You are independent. You are beautiful. You are worthy. I know you never felt that you were — I remember that feeling. People care about you, so don’t worry about where you are now. You will have a few friends that you can talk to for hours, who will stick with you after anything. At the end of the day, you don’t have to worry. Take each day by stride. Live. Laugh. Love. When it’s hard to get up, get up anyway. It’s a new day for you to conquer the world and show what you are made of. When everything around you seems to be falling apart, laugh because that’s the best type of medicine for those who feel broken—you aren’t. When those who try to hurt you do, show them love. Give them the grace that they may not deserve; it may just shock them.

Recently I have learned a lot… I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

I know that in life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. And in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are today. So JUST LIVE. Make mistakes. Have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going.

I am beautifully bruised, scarred, and a much better version of myself. So my friend, I hope you understand I had to let go of a huge part of myself, but that was only to let a better part in. You will be missed, and I will always remember the person I used to be.

But still, good riddance, old me.

Living Through Christ From A-Z

For years, people have told me that I have a gift when it comes to speaking to people, motivating people, encouraging people, being a breath of fresh air in a sense for some. I guess you can say … it’s just been in me forever.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been one to want to help people. To lift people up. To make them feel good. I have always said … if I can’t make myself happy, that’s fine … but if  can make someone else’s day, that’s even better.

I took this idea almost a year ago and just started writing. I was going through a really hard time and felt like I had no one to talk to. I was at my most vulnerable state for the longest time.  I was really sad, crying everyday and felt like the people I wanted to be there for me were not. I was losing friends, relationships, self-love … you name it.  Then again … maybe at that time I was so used to helping others, I forgot how to help myself.

Anyway, that’s when I kept writing, and writing, and writing. My life stories, my good times, my sad times, the times when I couldn’t help myself, the times when I got a good talk from someone that helped, I wrote it all down.

After that .. I let it sit for months. I got sad again … I lost my drive.

Around Mid to late summer, after taking a break, staying off of social media, going to therapy, figuring out why I was lost, why I wasn’t happy … something clicked and I said ” I’m tired of being miserable and sad” that’s literally the moment I decided to “let go and let God”. Once I did that, I promise everything began to go in the right direction. That was my healing moment.

Finally, I asked around about how to create a book. How to turn my stories, my life, my moments into something great and share with other people. How to turn my most negative moments/situations in life into positive.

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Now, I’m not saying my life is perfect at all … I still cry. I still think back to my lowest and most heartbreaking moments. I still think back to times where things seemed easier and I had nothing to worry about. However … I am also saying that through it all I am still standing and I am still fighting for continuous peace, love and happiness.

I continue to tell myself that through it all, I am making it, I have made it and will continue to do so. I will not regret where I have come from, or where I am. I will not apologize for pushing myself through and finding my happiness.

God has more in store for me, and this is just my new beginning.

Trust Yourself

According to Merriam Webster dictionary it defines trust as the “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something” and “one in which confidence is placed.” But unfortunately, trust can be broken in many ways. We may have been betrayed, mistreated, lied to or hurt by someone such as a partner, family, friend or colleague.

Instead of developing mistrust only for the person who hurt us, we often begin to be suspicious of every person from that point on. To protect ourselves and avoid getting hurt again, we carry our unpleasant memories of that original person with us and displace the distrust onto other relationships. Sometimes it only takes one person to determine that nobody is in fact trustworthy. In the process, we often lose trust in ourselves—simply because our judgment of the person or circumstance was incorrect—and we then wonder how we can believe our own judgment. As a result, we might close our hearts, repress our emotions, and walk around numb or suspicious in relationships.

The problem is, we need to be able to trust in order allow ourselves to fall in love and to feel loved. Yes, we can live our life by carrying our hurt everywhere we go… but not without consequences. The consequences of not trusting (and therefore not feeling) may hurt others who were not responsible for our pain and may deprive us of feeling loved and experiencing emotional wellness. This eventually leads to loneliness, depression, and relationship difficulties.

The first step to recovering our sense of trust is to learn to trust our own judgment and feelings again. When you start to say to yourself; “I trust myself,” you begin to restore faith in your judgment of others and situations, and as a result, you open your heart to love, joy and feeling safe again.

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Free to Choose

You do not have to be held back by fears, self-doubt or insecurities. You have the ability to move forward from them, to hold your head high and to be confident in who you are and in all that you do. There is no reason that you should settle for less than what you deserve. PERIOD. The past has brought you to where you are, nevertheless it has no power to hold you back. In each moment of everyday you are free to choose the direction of your life. We always have a choice. Reach within yourself and connect with a guiding purpose that you know is right just for you. Allow yourself to be the beautiful person that you are meant to be. Never let anyone stop you or change you from being that. Allow this moment, this day to be a fresh start. Let this moment be a blank canvas and allow yourself to paint the picture the way that YOU want your life to look like. Be your own motivation if no one else will. Lisa Nichols once said (“You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story”)

You did, You will

There have been situations in your life that you thought you would never get through, and yet you did. There have been challenges you’ve faced that you thought you would never overcome, and yet you did. There have been losses you’ve suffered that you thought you would never be able to get beyond, and yet you did. Realize that all of this has made you stronger, wiser, more experienced, and more knowledgeable as a result of it all. Though the road has had its rough spots, you’ve successfully made your way along it. Accept that in life, there will certainly be more rough spots ahead, and there may even be some difficult ones right now that you’re dealing with, but … look back at what you have dealt with and remember you made it. When life challenged you, you always found a way to make it through. And now, even more importantly, you will continue to do so.

Keep Going

How do you keep going when everything seems to be against you? How do you push forward when it feels like the whole world is pushing back at you? The way you keep going is to remind yourself why. There is a reason you’ve chosen this path, and connecting with that reason will keep you on the path. When you started, that reason was clear, visible and present, fresh in your awareness. It gave you the energy, enthusiasm, drive and determination to get started. Go back now and revisit that reason. Claim that enthusiasm and energy again, recharging yourself with it all in the present moment. You have what it takes to keep going, and it’s been there right from the start. Remember, reconnect feel the love, feel the purpose, and engage the positive energy to push through whatever is yet to come.