From a girl to a woman



What a difference 4 years can make. In the midst of the storm … I somehow gained another strength within myself that I never knew I had. 4 years in Houston. WOW. Time flies. Let me just say that the “Grown Woman Au’Vonnie” would not be who she is now without having moved to Houston. Within that time I have fallen but gotten back up many times. Lets see… what have I been through in that time ? Well … went from a great relationship to a not so great one. (But learned to love myself A LOT more during that last little one) 2 car accidents, one which was serious. Took public transportation for a year and a half in the sun, rain, storms. Moved 3 times. Lived with rodents just so I could have somewhere to lay my head. Got my house broken into. Lived off of peanut butter and cup of noodles for months at a time. Made 5 bucks stretch in the bank accounts when deemed necessary. Had some negative bank accounts just so bills could be paid. Denied to my dream school … and then some. However, since then, the come up has gotten much better. I have gone back to school. Written a book. Begun the process of my non-profit and scholarship fund. Traveled to different states and countries. Met new friends. Lost a job but gained a “career” and honestly became a better me. A stronger me. People always tell me that it seems that I have it easy now, but don’t know what is has taken to get here. Lots and lots of tears and setbacks. I still have a long way to go to be exactly where I want to be but I am forever greatful. Greatful that after living in Orlando 5 years ago; me choosing to leave California after that; picking up and leaving everything I was comfortable with and all that I knew to start aknew; All within a span of 9 months. I still laugh at telling my parents “Yeah. I’m moving to Houston, gotta go”. Folks were so mad. That period of time was hard. Best decision I have made to date though. Being stagnant and complacent have never been me. I have always been ok with traveling alone and just up and leaving. The world has so much to offer. Life has so much to offer. I never want to be that person that looks back in years and say “I wish I would have done this or that.” I say all of that to say, seeing the growth of self is dope. Change is dope. Being scared is dope. Living life and learning is dope. I wouldn’t change my experience(s) in my life for anything in the world. It may seem hard during the times when you are going through whatever it is, but the outcome is so much greater. 

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Daddy Lessons and Hello 2017

“In the end she became more than she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys , she did not end. She simply changed directions and kept going”

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Before 2016 was up, I decided to do one thing that I never thought that I would do. I mended a relationship with my Biological Father. After 15+ years of not seeing him, giving excuses as to when I would, why I would not, and giving the “maybe one day” speech a billion times,  I decided to give in and do what I preach about all the time. I decided to let the anger, the past, the hurt, the frustration go and just give the guy a chance.

For years I was hurt because 1. I was embarrassed. 2. I wanted the father like you see on T/V. You know, a Cliff Huxtable, an Uncle Phil, a Carl Winslow, a Lester Jenkins, you name it. I wanted this life that I saw on T.V rather than what I actually had. 3. because I really had no man around growing up to tell me how it would be dating, how to deal with men, how to deal with heartbreak, I never went to a father daughter dance, so on and so forth. After letting all that go, and talking, it was … a breath of fresh air.

I am not saying things are perfect, however … I am saying that it can get pretty close to it. I told myself that this year would be the year to just go all in with every aspect of my life and see where it takes me. That was only the beginning.

I can say many cliches as to how this year will turn out. I can name many New Year Resolutions .. but I wont. Because well, let’s be honest … who sticks with those the whole year anyway ?

I will however say, I plan on making this the BEST year yet ! This is the year of Can instead of Can’t. Will instead of Won’t.  This is the year of Speaking up and Speaking out. This is the year of not dwelling on the past but making room for the future.

Last year, we all know was hard for me, but I am choosing to look forward. I do not want to die and people remember me for the hardships that I spoke of, but yet making it through them and choosing to live in my truth.

So with all that being said, Cheers to a New Year. Cheers to life. Cheers to change. Cheers to peace. Cheers to painful endings. Cheers to new beginnings. Cheers to Self.  Cheers to mending. Cheers to finding love and keeping it. Cheers to whatever and whoever God throws my way.  And Cheers to starting anew.

Be YOU. YOU ARE enough.

All my life I have been told that I am beautiful, I am pretty, I am unique. Great compliments right???

BUT….

Although all of this was said….it took a long time to believe. Of course, we all may have a few insecurities but for years…. my insecurities surpassed most. I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t think that I was this beautiful young woman that people claimed I was.
I was so insecure with myself, I was so unhappy at what was looking back at me, I didn’t think twice, I came to terms that I  was just another average girl.

Maybe this had to do with all of the taunting that I received from certain people, maybe this had to do with being infatuated with the women in the magazine’s …. maybe it was Just me going through the growing pains in life.
It took a while for me to realize that God made everyone a certain way, he made us all beautiful in our own ways.
For a long time, I dressed a certain way,.I tried to look a certain way to “fit in” with the crowd. After a while, I just didn’t care anymore. If people were going to like me…they would, If they didn’t….then fine. I began to ‘re acquaint myself with the term” self love”  . I had to ‘re evaluate what I was looking at, and WHOM I was looking at and realized I had to be ME. I didn’t have to do the most to fit in. I had to tell myself” YOU ARE ENOUGH” .
A lot of us today tend to down play how special we are but this is something that we need to instill in our brains. We ARE good enough. Don’t change for anyone. BE YOU.