Goodbye to the old me. Goodbye 2016.

She was Unsure. Insecure. Not Reassured. The opposite of everything people assumed her to be.

I just want to say that I’m glad you’re gone. I know that might sound harsh, and please don’t take this the wrong way because I am really proud of you. I’m just glad that you seem like a different person to me now. You grew up. You changed. You found yourself again. I hope that you’re proud of who you have become because I finally am.

I’m really glad that I can look in the mirror and smile now. I know that you were never unhappy with yourself, but you weren’t really happy with yourself either. I’m glad that I can see more than the breakouts and split ends when I stand in front of the mirror in the mornings. I’m glad that I can look at myself and see someone smart, funny, caring, and genuine.

You are independent. You are beautiful. You are worthy. I know you never felt that you were — I remember that feeling. People care about you, so don’t worry about where you are now. You will have a few friends that you can talk to for hours, who will stick with you after anything. At the end of the day, you don’t have to worry. Take each day by stride. Live. Laugh. Love. When it’s hard to get up, get up anyway. It’s a new day for you to conquer the world and show what you are made of. When everything around you seems to be falling apart, laugh because that’s the best type of medicine for those who feel broken—you aren’t. When those who try to hurt you do, show them love. Give them the grace that they may not deserve; it may just shock them.

Recently I have learned a lot… I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you.

I know that in life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. And in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are today. So JUST LIVE. Make mistakes. Have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you are going.

I am beautifully bruised, scarred, and a much better version of myself. So my friend, I hope you understand I had to let go of a huge part of myself, but that was only to let a better part in. You will be missed, and I will always remember the person I used to be.

But still, good riddance, old me.

What is Love ?

Before my Uncle Passed away in June of 2009, I had never met a man that loved a woman so much as he did my aunt. As a child I had always admired the type of man that he was. From the way he walked, to the way he talked. The way he treated my Aunt was like no other. The way he treated me, his niece. See, he never had any children, but always treated his nieces like the queens and princesses we were. (I was always told that I was his favorite.) Anyway, They had been married for over 40 years, since they were 20 years old, up until his untimely death. I don’t know how my Aunt did it because he was her everything and we all knew it.

After his death, it got me to thinking, “What is love” “What is the real definition of love ? How do you know you are in love ? What types of love are there ? Who defines what love really is? These are questions I have asked myself time after time again as well.

Of course, I had thought I was “in love” a couple of times, had love for a person or two, but … what exactly is it.

Whatever it is, I want what they had….

Don’t let the word love define your LOVE

Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can experience. The strange thing is, that almost nobody knows what love is. Why is it so difficult to find love? That is easy to understand, if you know that the word “love” is not the same as one’s feeling of love.

The word “love” is used and abused for the expression of different sets of feelings.

The word love is used as an expression of affection towards someone else (I love you) but it also expresses pleasure (I love chocolate). To make it a little more complicated, the word “love” also expresses a human virtue that is based on compassion, affection and kindness. This is a state of being, that has nothing to do, with something or someone outside yourself. This is the purest form of Love.

The ancient Greek used 7 words to define the different states of love:

Storge: natural affection, the love you share with your family.

Philia: the love that you have for friends.

Eros: sexual and erotic desire kind of love (positive or negative)

Agape: this is the unconditional love, or divine love

Ludus: this is playful love, like childish love or flirting.

Pragma: long standing love. The love in a married couple.

Philautia: the love of the self (negative or positive)

These are 7 different kind of feelings. The love you feel for your partner is not the same as the love you feel for your mother. Even the love for your partner changes in time. You feel different emotions for different situations and people.

This confusion is not only the case while 2 people are talking, your own brain does not get it.

What you feel is controlled by the right side of your brain and language is controlled by your left side. If you use the word “love” 10 times a day with different situations, it loses power. Your left part or your brain does not get fully activated when you really mean “I love you” and want to get exited about it. 50% of your brain is a lot.

The first thing that you need to do is learn the differences of the (7) states of love. Not the words, but how they feel. It is easy if you recognize the words. It is basic training. Awareness, that is the secret to love.

Love is a practice, it is not something you find or don’t find. You can practice love for the rest of your life.

Don’t abuse the word love. Use other words where you are not addressing emotion towards other people.

Example: I love chocolate, becomes: I enjoy chocolate. I love my job, becomes: I have passion for what I do.

Enjoying, loving and passion are 3 different emotions. It is essential to learn (again) the true meaning of words, not merely to communicate with someone else, but also so learn to experience them. Words are very powerful instruments. Not only to communicate with others, but also with your self. The words you use, creates awareness and eventually your reality.

If you use words wisely, you can learn to recognize what kind of love you are feeling, and enjoy the different kinds of love. With one person of different ones.

If you don’t know how to find love within you, you will never find it outside you.

Words are agreements to express ideas or feelings. The meaning of words is not absolute, it is always a personal interpretation. The group of feelings associated with the word “love” is difficult to understand, and even more difficult to express to other person. Let’s put is this way: it is impossible with only one word.

With the creation of a word, you can give it a special meaning. Some lovers create words to express what they feel to each other. A word creates and agreement or memories. This moment can be repeated when you use that word or when you think about it.

In other languages exist words, related to love, that expresses different situations that don’t have a translation to English. When you know this words, you recognize these feelings. You get more grip in what you are experiencing.

Beautiful words in other languages:

Yuanfen (Chinese): A love relationship that has been established by lot, based on principles of Chinese culture.

Mamihlapinatapei (Yaghan): A look that without words is shared by two people who want to initiate something, but neither start.

Cafuné (Brazilian Portugees): Slowly stroking your fingers through someone else’s hair.

Retrouvailles (France): The happiness of seeing someone again after a long time.

La Douleur Exquise (France): The enormous pain in your heart when you desire someone you cannot have.

Ya’aburnee (Arabic): The hope that you will die earlier than the other, so you don’t need to live without the other.

Forelsket (Nordic): The euphoria you feel when you fall in love for the first time.

Saudade (Portugees): The feeling of longing for someone you love, but is far away.

These “moments” are so important in other cultures that they have words to express them. My point is, don’t use just one word to define your love. Learn the “words” and recognize them when you are living them.

With love, you get what you put in

Love is an emotion in action. You can learn how to feel and cultivate your love… First learn and know the different situations of love. Learn how to recognize them when you are feeling them. Then you go and share your love with others.

Love between 2 people can only begin if the interaction is based on truth, trust and respect. That is something you start giving. This is essential to grown mutual love between 2 individuals. If the other person gives you what you give, then you start feeling love for each other and it can grow…

It is not difficult to understand love, once you know how love works.

It is very easy to fall in love with someone. The difficulty is to stay in love. But if it is difficult to stay in love, that means, that it is not the love of your life. It is a love experience. Love is always beautiful, if it is not beautiful, it is not love. Time to move on. Sometimes, love just fades away. It is better to move on when you don’t feel anything, then when you feel the opposite of love.

Finding your loved one or a relationship…

If you want to find the love of your life, start being aware of your use of the word love. Saying and thinking I want to find the love of my life and not I want a relationship is fundamental. You find what you are looking for.

“Being in a relationship” is a marketing term invented in magazines. Everyone that is not single is in a relationship. To address a large group of people it is perfect, but it is to vague to define your personal situation.

The only important question for you should be: “Am I experiencing love or not?”

But still, we use the same word. It is easy to understand that a confusion is easy made while communicating. I can say “I love you” to two different people (and mean it), but I am actually feeling in a different way.

-A

4 Letter Word

I’d be lying if I said that the feelings I am having are not growing more and more each day because they are. I have finally come to realization that I have been in denial for a while about this feeling. I have been going back and forth about stating the truth aloud than keeping it in my head any longer.

Question is … How do you say it without the other half running away ? How do you say it without the fear of no response ? How do you say it without everything you’ve built shattering to the ground because of that 4 letter word ?

Love. It’s tricky.

I promised myself that after the last heartbreak I would never say those words again. I promised myself that I would never fall for anyone. I said this because… when I love I love hard and once it’s said there is no going back.

How do I deal with this ? Do I say it? Do I wait ? Do I hold in my true feelings until time allows ? I don’t know.

What is the REAL meaning of LOVE ? Loving someone and being “IN LOVE” with someone … because people do tend to get it confused.

Is there a time limit to when you say it to someone ? 6 months, 1 year, 2 years ? … What are the rules of Love ? I want to know.

I want to know if it’s the same as it use to be.

I have to keep in mind that once it’s said … there is no going back. None. You either get the response you want, or yo don’t.

Love … Where do I go from here ? Only time will tell….

 

-A