It’s amazing how God works and how things come in full circle when it’s time. Someone once said to me “Timing is Everything” and ” life’s three best teachers are : Heartbreak, Empty Pockets and Failure.” TRUE.
This time last year, believe it or not, I was going through one of many hardships. From November of last year to November of this year. It was not all bad, however … it was quite close.
Emotionally, I was drained, Physically, I was out of it, Mentally … tuh … barely there.
People who know me know that when I am happy, I am HAPPY and it shows, but when I am going through something, I am much more quiet and reserved. That was me all year. Here and there you would see a smile, but majority of the time, you barely saw me at all.
I did not know who I was, I lost myself, I let myself go, I questioned myself multiple times and I was at the point to where I did not want to be seen or talk to anyone anymore.
I hated my “job” and got too comfortable, too stagnant and complacent. I was upset because I didn’t have the “Career” I wanted and quite frankly, I stopped working to reach it because I was just so tired. A relationship that was near to my heart ended and that happened at the worst possible time. I lived in a place that I was not comfortable in and had so much negative energy I could barely think straight. I started to act out, be out of character and did things that I regret because I was in a space where I felt I could not reach out to anybody because I was ashamed.
How could this woman who preached and teached to others about positivity, being happy and letting things go, letting go and letting God, speaking on letting time take it’s course quoting every cliche and bible verse you could think of do this ? … Why is it when it came to myself, all of that was out of the window ?
It took a lot of self – evaluation, a lot of reconnecting to God, a lot of crying, a lot of realizing you can’t allow yourself to fall, a lot of letting go of blaming others, a lot of self- forgiveness, a lot of meditating and praying, a lot of conversations with myself saying “you got this. it’s not the end” a lot of, “you’re more than this, you’ll be ok” a lot of, “ok, no more moping, get up” … and then some.
I say all that to say, one year later … I have a new Career, I have a new home, I have a book on the rise, I have new relationships, I have new found Confidence and I have Peace with where I am. Never allow yourself to stay down for long. Allow yourself the time you need to heal and get back up and keep going. It may feel like you can no longer go on, but you can.
Things may not be in the exact order in life that you want them, things may happen unexpectedly, but … You are more than your fears. You are more than a Conqueror. Keep fighting and keep believing that no matter how many times you may fall you can get back up and know that greater is coming.
I am a fighter. I am a survivor and I will keep on going until I take my last breath.
So, cheers to closing my eyes to old ends and continuing to open my heart to new beginnings.